[IC] Inbox @ recolle

[youraffection]

Yosuke Hanamura

Iiiiiiit's Yosuke! You know what to do. And if you don't, leave a message after the tone. Beep! ...Haha, okay, for real now.

陽介だぜ！わかんねぇだろうな？メッセージを残ってくれ！ピーッつってん後で。ピーッ！　。。。はは、じゃ、まじで。

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i can't help who i am

[loudmouths]

like what???

[ he's just being real here yoosk. ]

feelin like i'm a cause behind it? a few months now, at least. why?

can you tho

[youraffection]

what do u mean Y
i had no idea man
im sorry
but 1st of all none of this is ur fault
retrospec is full of shit and likes to mess with ppl all the time

would you like me to try

[loudmouths]

don't apologize to me over this. i was the one who didn't tell you. i just thought i was being irrational, but it's a pattern i'm noticing, so i'm just

worried i guess. if we all have the power to change stuff or whatever like they say, then surely someone has the power to mess shit up for others, right?

no b urself

[youraffection]

no way is this ur fault ok
but fine
lets pretend 4 a sec it was
(it isnt)
what do u think ur doing to make ppl forget??
honestly
ur not doing anything
its just retrospec being shitty as per usual and it sucks bc its affecting ur friends

ok u asked for it

[loudmouths]

...i don't know. maybe i'm cursed.

because... there's a difference. there's a difference in them other than losing the memories of the app or whatever. it goes deeper than that.

[youraffection]

whats the difference?

[loudmouths]

it's hard to explain but

it's like they're dimmer than they used to be

[youraffection]

dimmer?
u mean like
when u actually look at them?

[loudmouths]

yes and no

it's a weird sensation i get from them. it's... just... not as bright. less of a presence. like at any moment, they could fade away.

not like... LITERALLY fade, i guess. like i said, it's hard to explain, but it's a definite difference

i haven't told anyone about this, either, because i don't want people to feel what i'm feeling

[youraffection]

dude
but u gotta
what ur feeling is important 2 ppl
its important 2 me!
i dont want u going thru stuff alone

[loudmouths]

i know, you've said that before. it's just difficult to put into action, especially since

well, y'know, i'm the one that's supposed to be helpin you through your problems. i'm the older one, after all!!

[youraffection]

thats not how it works and u know it
if i was older ud b telling me the same thing!
bc what ur feeling and seeing sounds freaky man
super freaky

[loudmouths]

you don't know that

i'm a selfish shithead, after all

but uh. yeah. it is. it's vaguely unpleasant being able to feel that change in a person in real time.

i really wouldn't recommend it

[youraffection]

thats not what i said keigo
im srs
i totally know that bc thats the same bs i would b pulling
but if we dont have each other what else do we have around here?
retrospec users arent the majority u know?
weve gotta trust each other
u and me at least
is it just them u feel that with?

[loudmouths]

hah. i guess you got me there. i'll try to be better about it. sorry, yosuke.

but uh. yeah. with everyone else, it's sorta like... hard to differentiate. they all kinda meld together.

[youraffection]

i forgive u
just talk 2 me more ok?

ok so
basically anyone that isnt on retrospec is like that?

[loudmouths]

you got it, man.

yeah. they're not very distinct. which is why it's upsetting to feel that change in someone. before i got these weird powers, it was easier to ignore what it might have meant for them to suddenly forget a bunch of crap, since they act normally otherwise, but

now... it's...

[youraffection]

hard 2 forget
right?

[loudmouths]

right. i can't think of anything else when i talk to them. i've been avoiding renji the most because it hurts the most to think about what might happen to him

[ there's a delay, and then: ]

i

i don't think i could

if anything happened to you, yosuke

i can't lose you too

[youraffection]

[ No wonder it sucks even more...if Keigo feels like his closest friends are the ones that go, and then like he can't talk to them... ]

hey
no way
im in this 2 deep
its just not gonna happen
ok?

[ He knows he can't really promise that, but he's going to anyway. ]

im sorry keigo
that youve been feeling alone all this time

1/2

[loudmouths]

you can't know that for sure.

[ harsh, but true, and keigo knows that they both know it. ]

hah. i guess if we're having honesty hour, i might as well say it.

sometimes i really do think it would have been better if i just listened to my parents and stayed in japan. i'm glad i can see you whenever i want and actually be here for you, but

staying ignorant would have been easier. i'm not strong enough for this. that's the real bulk of the reason why i have a hard time opening up. i don't want people to see me for how i really am. i'm a weak, spoiled, entitled brat who can't handle it when things are out of his control.

no one wants to be friends with someone like that. no one wants someone like that in their corner. it's better to pretend i'm someone else.

[loudmouths]

[ and, after a moment: ]

fuck i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said all of that garbage. just delete it and pretend you never saw it.

[youraffection]

[ He reads the texts. One at a time. Then over again. And again.

"Maybe it would've been better if I just listened to my parents and stayed in Japan." ]

no
keigo
i cant just forget that...

[loudmouths]

I'm sorry

you're the only reason why I can't regret it

but i wish I could be stronger

for you and myself

[youraffection]

no
keigo
dont apologize
its how u really feel isnt it?
i cant really blame u either
i remember when i first moved here all i wanted was 2 go home
and a lot more has happened here in the past year than everything that happened in the last 5 since we moved here