yosuke ❝gay thoughts caught me❞ hanamura (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
youraffection) wrote2017-02-04 07:47 pm
youraffection) wrote2017-02-04 07:47 pm
Entry tags:
[IC] Overlow @ ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
recolle
Because Captcha is ridiculous.
[IC] Overlow @
Because Captcha is ridiculous.
Because Captcha is ridiculous.
no subject
But at least he's honest: ]
It's me! I'm--...I'm the problem...
[ Yosuke hunches forward, hands on the sides of his face. ]
I'm the one who's worried about what people are gonna think or what they're gonna say. I'm the one who didn't even think it'd be possible to like another guy like that... I'm the one who lies to their parents' faces every time I go stay at his place for days on end. I'm the one who's putting all the stipulations and making him wait for me to catch up. I'm the one who doesn't fucking know how to cope! It's me, okay!?
no subject
That sure was way more emotional baggage than he was expecting. He stands there stunned for a few seconds, just because uh wow. That's a lot. On the bright side, it sure was effective in snuffing out that rage Noah was ready to unleash if he felt like this guy was being an arsehole to his friend. It wouldn't be the same to pummel this guy if he's already doing an excessive job of it to himself.
But, crap. He should probably say something.]
...Jesus fuck, ever consider you're way overthinking this shit?
[Okay. not the greatest start.]
I mean, first off? There's nothing to cope with. You're just probably bi, it's not cancer. Shit, even I like guys and girls - it's whatever.
Also it's 2017? If someone gives you shit for it, they're just an arsehole who can go fuck themselves. Who gives a shit what they think.
no subject
Yosuke looks up from his self-deprecating tirade, eyes a little wide. He looks like he's trying to understand, but... ]
Wait, you do?
[ Well, that's...news. ]
B-But that's the thing--I don't get how it's not a big deal! It feels like a huge deal!
no subject
[Like your boyfriend-- I mean ahem nothing]
Tch. [He moves to sit down] It's only as big a deal as people wanna make it. I mean, some people go all out with the pride parades and shit like that- but I never bother.
But you're still Yosuke. Sexuality doesn't change that much.
no subject
But that's not groundbreaking, that's just facts--what is groundbreaking is the idea that somehow his sexuality doesn't define who he is.
Because that...kind of seemed like a Thing to him. ]
I--I couldn't do that...
[ Pride. Can you imagine Yosuke there without being a dick? No. ]
...I guess it's just easier to think that way when it's other people. To be honest, I haven't handled it very well with other people in the past, either...
[ He sighs. ]
That makes me a big hypocrite.
no subject
...Yeah, probably does.
[He doesn't know Yosuke well enough to try to disagree with him okay]
What is it that weird you out so much? Are you like, super religious or something?
no subject
He doesn't refute it, at least. It was his point and one that he's...he's just going to have to look at the empirical evidence: he's dating a boy. Clearly he's got some interest in them, even if it's just one. ]
Huh? Oh, no...
[ He rubs the back of his neck, looking a little embarrassed. ]
Honestly? I guess I just...kinda always wanted to be a ladies man, you know? Girls are cute. Like, really, cute. And I always wanted a girlfriend so I tried really hard to be smooth and find ways to impress them.
[ A beat and self-deprecating laugh. ]
You can imagine how well that's gone--erm, Yu aside, I mean.
[ He shakes his head. ]
So I never really...thought of myself that way? And I've also seen how people who are kind of other get treated. When we first moved here, I really wanted to fit in. My English was super shitty and it was hard to make friends that didn't already speak Japanese. Maybe that's stuck with me more than I want to admit. ... Yeah...who doesn't want people to like them, right?
[ Another pause. A longer one.]
...My dad's also not the biggest fan of things that don't really fit in his perfect family world too. I'm pretty sure that's why mom hasn't gotten an actual job--she totally can, legally and everything, but she's just expected to be a housewife. It's not like I need her to take care of me anymore.
no subject
From the way Yosuke described all this...maybe there was a certain freedom in assuming you'll always end up alone, as Noah did. ]
You could always get Yu to dress as a girl sometime. He'd go for it, I bet.
[He did that crossdressing thing once, and he helped Noah out with his own confectionery uniform. It'd work]
I would't know about the rest. I've always been an..."other", so ...I stopped fucking caring if people liked me or not. People are gonna treat me like shit no matter what, might as well be myself. [He gives a shrug]
...Sucks about your dad though. [Even if his own dad was accepting, he's heard the stories. Several people in the circus had been thrown out of where they'd been before for being different] But he's not on the app right? Maybe you can tell some people on there where he can't find out.
no subject
I don't want him to dress like a girl!
[ Even though he would (and has), regardless of whether or not Yosuke wanted or expected it. Really, Yu can do what he wants, but Yosuke finds it so hard to take him seriously... A part of it is definitely somewhere imbedded in his internalized gender roles, but the other part is simply because Yu isn't a girl. And maybe that's how he'd rather have him. ]
Oh...yeah, huh. The arm?
[ Yosuke just figures that would be why. It's definitely the sort of thing that's hard to miss and, probably when he was younger, Yosuke might have avoided a bit too.
He shakes his head to the question about his dad. ]
It's not like people need to know, but...I get the feeling Yu wants 'em to.
no subject
Yeah. The arm.
[Good guess on that one Yosuke! The arm is definitely the reason why, though the attitude doesn't really help....]
Well, yeah he probably wants to. [He kicks his legs out a little] ...Yu's a pretty lonely guy. He never had many friends before Recolle, but unlike me, he still gives a shit about making friends.
I'm sure he agreed 'cause he cares about you and Yu will do anything for people he likes, but... [He shrugs; not looking at Yosuke] It's gotta make it harder to make friends, if you can't share something so important to you with people.
no subject
[ The arm, he means. Which actually is a lot coming from Yosuke, considering where he started. (If only he could apply that logic to himself.)
He's quiet, though, which might seem unlike him, but Yosuke is also actually a surprisingly good listener. He fidgets a little, letting his gaze fall to his feet and idly pokes the wood underneath his toes. ]
...I know. That he's doing it for me, I mean. It's not like he's a showy guy but he's making an effort when he wouldn't have to...
[ Wouldn't Yu just be happier off with someone else?
Maybe. But Yosuke also knows that's a cop-out answer. And not one that he's particularly fond of, anyway. ]
...I don't--...I don't wanna be the reason he's down. About anything. I guess I'm just worried there's no helping it... That's lame, right?
no subject
Like you can't help your sexuality, right?
[That's right, going to point out that logic right there. There's no point in dwelling on the crap he's gotten over his arm. It usually just makes people pity him, and he really doesn't like that]
...It's a little lame. [Clearly there was something about Yosuke that Yu liked enough to stick around for, even if Noah didn't know what] If you're worried he's down, I dunno, work out some kinda compromise? Isn't that what you're supposed to do in relationships?
[At least that's what he's heard, because yeah. 0 dating experience]
no subject
[ Oh...yeah.
That.
At least Yosuke has enough awareness to look a little sheepish. ]
Yeah...
[ He clears his throat. ]
I know you're right...he's already compromising for me. The least I can do is meet him halfway, huh?
[ And, just like that, there's no longer a bathhouse around them. It's the school, the front entrance and main yard, and they're finally in regular clothes.
Looks like his internalized symbolism is setting them free. ]
no subject
Before he can respond, he's caught off-guard by the setting changing. He looks around, and notices that yeah- he is in clothes. Though what's regular clothes for Yosuke are not regular clothes for Noah (as Yosuke does not look like a hot topic catalog model), so he makes a bit of a face at the outfit he's been put in. Ugh. Needs more black.
But fine, whatever. At least he's in pants right. Time to focus back on Yosuke. ]
Yeah...looks you got your answer.
no subject
He coughs. ]
Y-Yeah...that's not even a little hint, huh?
[ A sigh as he shoves his hands into his pocket. ]
...Thanks, though--for listening and stuff. I know you got dragged into all this weirdness and you didn't really need to.
no subject
[Makes you wonder how long it's been screaming at Yosuke. Who knows]
Tch, whatever. [He gives a shrug] Still better than that debt dream.
[Nothing actually happened in the debt dream. It's just- debt's the worst]
no subject
[ Screaming like Viking Metal, really. Yosuke pretends not to hear it most of the time. ]
...Debt dream?
[ A focus on something other than his own issues?? Do share. ]
no subject
This guy had a dream that bills kept showing up. Until there were piles of them.
It was awful. Money problems are the fucking worse.
no subject
[ POT MEET KETTLE?? ]