youraffection | [IC] Inbox @ cerealia

[ Ah... ]

It's alright. Let me know when you're off, okay?

[ Dodging the question so blatantly will probably just trigger a red flag, but he doesn't want Yosuke to miss work for his sake. ]

[ You bet it does. ]

dude
what happened
just come to the store ok?
ill get off were almost done anyway

[ ... ]

I talked to Minato-san

[ Dammit. Sending it without punctuation was a mistake, he hadn't meant to-- behind his CereVice he swears, sharp and quiet. ]

... you're sure?

[ Stupid question. He knows it even when he asks it what Yosuke's going to say. He's so mixed up right now he isn't thinking. This is... it's not--

It's an effort not to fling his CereVice into the nearest wall. ]

[ Shit. ]

shit
ok
yes im sure
if u dont come here i will come and find u
ill work it out ok?

Don't get in trouble.

[ If he were speaking out loud his voice would be little more than a tired whisper. ]

I'll be there soon.

[ It takes him some time to gather himself and head in Yosuke's direction. It's only been about an hour since Minato walked away from him, and even given an hour he hasn't really calmed down. If anything, he feels worse.

When he turns up at Yosuke's workplace about 15 minutes later, he's ... calm, but visibly drawn. To most people he might just seem tired, but to Yosuke it will be obvious something's really wrong.

He texts Yosuke that he's there and then waits, his thumb pressed into the center of his other palm, curling and uncurling his fingers. ]

[ Yosuke hadn't been lying when he said he would work it out. Granted, his hours at pretty much all of his jobs were variable, which was both a benefit and a curse. It meant he could sometimes move things around, but it also meant he could get called in last second when something in the cosmic plan changed. He kind of missed the regular hours at Junes, but then again, he'd been a little chaotic there too, hadn't he? Always picking up the slack and covering shifts, staying late and coming in early. Yosuke was a harder work than most would realize.

But even if he hadn't gotten an out, he wouldn't have been able to concentrate. Not when he knew that something had gone seriously wrong. And it had. The fact that Yu needed to talk in person right away, wouldn't clarify over the phone...yeah. It's not good. And Yu always comes first.

It's about five minutes later that Yosuke bursts through the front doors, nearly taking out a customer. ]

Sorry!

[ The woman gasps and holds her chest, then pauses and squints. ]

Hey, you're the jeans guy...

[ But Yosuke can't be bothered to even indulgence in his small moment of fame. He offers a smile and waves as he trots over to Yu. ]

Yep, that's me! Autograph signing later, have fun shopping! Red tagged items are on sale today!

[ When he makes it to Yu, his expression changes drastically. His customer service smile quickly drops and turns into a frown of concern. ]

Said I had a family emergency... [ A pause. ] You wanna go somewhere?

[ Yu watches passively as Yosuke nearly bowls a poor woman over, picking up on what she says to him. The jeans guy...

The words pop into his head unbidden, exactly what he'd say to tease his best friend over a remark like that, but his face and voice won't cooperate with him. He can't even bring himself up to the level of quipping. Under other circumstances he might force himself, but Yosuke already knows something is wrong.

Yosuke's here for him.

(unlike some people

stop, stop that)

Speechless, his jaw flexing, Yu only nods in response to Yosuke's question. He's not sure how strong his hold on his composure is, and he doesn't want to be in a place busy with people should he crack. ]

[ Yu is a quiet guy, but he's not silent. If he needed more red flags, there they were. But he wants to respect Yu's wish for some privacy. Yosuke nods in return, offering what he hopes is an encouraging smile and puts his hand on Yu's back. Just as a reassurance that he's here. ]

Okay. Let's walk.

[ He guides Yu to the right, just letting the motions of walking be the main focus for a moment. They're in a busy part of the city, but Yosuke's familiar enough with the area he has an idea of where to go. It's not as nice as the park, more industrial, but it's quiet. They pass several shops, a few restaurants, and many large corporate-looking buildings. It's inbetween several of those that Yosuke urges Yu between.

A small rectangular courtyard is shared between the buildings. It has a few simulated trees, but is mostly concrete and stone statues. There's an overly modern water feature towards one end and a few benches lining the perimeter. There's one man smoking and talking on his CereVice close to the largest of the buildings, but it seems like everyone else is spending their time indoors. It is working hours. Not everyone has as flexible schedule as Yosuke.

There are a few vending machines beside them. ]

You want something to drink, Yu? My treat.

[ The hand on his back gets Yu to pull in a slow breath, like he hadn't realized he was barely breathing until now. He doesn't smile back, but his expression does soften into something a little less severe.

He keeps quiet while they walk, partially lost in thought. It's a blessing that Yosuke knows when to chatter and when to hold back; he doesn't think he could manage small talk right now.

Yosuke's question draws him from his reverie of staring up at all the corporate buildings (so familiar yet so alien), bringing him back to the present with a blink. He cants his head very slightly to the side and down, considering. ]

Sure.

[ He's quiet, but still sounds level. For now.

He'll wait until Yosuke's gotten both drinks and passed him one to take a seat on the nearest bench, but once he's there, he doesn't seem to know how to begin. ]

[ Yosuke gives a nod in response before leaving Yu just for a moment to get the drinks. There are options, of course, and it only takes a minute before he's walking back over to Yu and holding out one of the cans. He's picked Yu a name brand version of a tea, thinking that his best friend would like something a little more soothing, while he has a some sort of generic fruity fizzy drink.

Taking a seat next to Yu, he opens his can, but doesn't take a sip. Not yet. Instead, he shifts his weight so he can pull one leg up on the seat of the bench, turning to face the other boy more fully. They're close, he's made sure of that, but not stifling. He wants to give Yu room to breathe while still making sure that his friend knows that he's right there if Yu feels the need to reach out. ]

So... [ Yu isn't saying anything, so Yosuke figures he'll need to lead the conversation. ] You went to meet Arisato?

[ Yosuke knows him perfectly. Yu huffs a sigh through his nose at the tea, thinking it was exactly what he wanted, though he doesn't open it after they sit down. He rolls the cold can between both his hands before folding one leg up onto the bench as well, tucking his ankle under his other thigh.

Even the mention of Minato's name gets him to narrow his eyes. Yu braces the can of tea on his knee, staring hard at the ground. After a long, considering moment, all he says is: ]

He broke up with me.

[ There's an edge to his voice, a tension that lands somewhere between bitterness and anger. ]

[ He's not sure what to expect, but he knows it can't be good. What he does hear, however... ]

What?

[ He's actually torn on how to feel. The first painfully selfish emotion is that Yu deserved better, so good, but he knows that's not conductive to helping his friend at all. So he bats that down quickly, his brows furrowing together. It doesn't matter how he feels about Minato, anyway. It's Yu's feelings on the line right now, a heart that's just been broken...again. A heart that he wants to protect so badly. ]

...I'm sorry.

[ And he is. He's sorry that Yu's hurting. He doesn't want Yu to hurt. ]

So...you guys were official again...? Why'd he--I mean...sorry. It's...about what you discovered, right?

I don't think we were, [ Yu says slowly. Official? That would imply they'd at all agreed to really be a couple, ever, much less on this go around. That never happened. Yet Minato had found a way to dump him anyway, somehow.

He nods, the motion short. ]

Yeah. I confronted him about it and whether or not he'd ever tell me... he admitted he was never going to. [ He sounds so bitter and let down. ]

All along... he was just going along with things. When I asked him out... he had reservations even back then, but never said anything.

[ Yu leans forward, pressing the cold can to his forehead. ]

I never had a choice in this from the very beginning. He lied to me for so long, and now that I've gotten him to admit the truth... he's walking away from me. It's like he never really considered what I wanted or was trying to do. He just made all these decisions on his own without ever telling me anything! What was I supposed to do?

[ Without realizing it he's let his voice raise, to nearly a yell by the end. With a soft sound he reins himself back in, sighing heavily. ]

... why did we ever start this if he was always going to walk away in the end? I just... I don't understand.

[ He's been a little confused on the status of their relationship, and he knows that Yu was too, based on everything he experienced in that memory. But he thought, maybe with Minato's return, things might...not pick up where they left off, but reconcile. Start again? There were bumps, sure, and Yu had been nervous and tentative, but there was no denying how much he'd wanted to see Minato again.

So that hurts.

Yosuke is silent. He listens, quietly and attentively. Until Yu drops that bomb. ]

Wait...what? [ That frown isn't just of concern, it's genuine confusion. ]

So...hold up a sec... [ He's got to work this out verbally. Did he hear Yu correctly? ] ...He was never going to tell you? He said that? Are you kidding me? Like...I get that it's a shitty subject but that's not something you can just...pretend didn't happen. No matter what.

[ And then he dumped Yu. He dumped him. Right on top of Yu confronting him about this really big personal detail that Yu is totally entitled to know? It's difficult to think and talk about Saki's death, but she did die. He has to accept that. It wasn't fair, and given Minato's age, Yosuke imagines his death isn't fair either. He's curious, he's concerned as any human would be about the unfortunate fate of another human, but that doesn't change how he feels about how this is being handled.

Yu nearly yelling doesn't bother him at all. Yosuke hasn't even touched his drink, but he's already shaken it enough for some if it to bubble up and fizz. ]

Dude...I don't know. I don't know why someone would do that if they never--that's just...

[ Yosuke shakes his head. ]

What I'm hearing is you got him to come clean and he walked away. Like...okay...

[ He sighs, free hand holding onto his knee. ]

...I've really been trying to set my opinions aside, you know? You like the guy and he's important to you and I just really don't know him at all. And when you told us about what you'd pieced together from Naoto? Like...whatever I may think, that's awful. We've seen people die that didn't deserve it. I don't know the circumstances, but...that's something that's so important. I figured he just...didn't want to talk about it or something because that's one hell of a conversation to have. But to say that he wasn't going to tell you and then leave? Is that seriously what happened?

... yeah, [ he breathes. They'd talked about other things - or Minato had, at least, Yu had mostly just listened - but that was really sort of what it came down to, wasn't it? ]

He told me he loved me. [ His voice is barely there. He knits his fingers over the top of his can of tea and then uses the bridge they make as a place to rest his chin as he stares ahead, unseeing. ]

He just... kept repeating that because he's dead, there wouldn't be a future for us. That I deserved someone better. And then he walked away.

[ Yu falls silent for a moment, his eyes hooding. ]

I just can't help wondering if my feelings really mattered to him. I'm sure he'd say they did, and that's probably an unfair thing to think, but... it doesn't feel like he ever considered my position at all. It's...

[ He tilts his head, lifting a few fingertips to press against his forehead. ]

... frustrating.

[ Yosuke was ready for some heartbreak. He was ready to be a shoulder for Yu to lean on. He didn't have relationship advice, not really, since he's never been in one himself, and he really sees Yu as being the more emotionally competent of the two of them. But he doesn't need to be an expert on anything to realize that's all very...off. Odd. Strange. And not at all okay. ]

...What?

[ Incredulous, he's incredulous or whatever other SAT word one can shove in there. Yosuke gaps like a fish, the gears and wheels in his brain grinding to a halt. The "L" word is a big deal. ]

...He...he said the "L" word...and then broke up with you?

[ That's just...

Now it's Yosuke's turn to raise his voice. ]

Yu...people--who the hell does that? To anyone? What the hell is that supposed to accomplish? If you really love someone, you don't tell them that when you know you're about to hurt them!

[ Yeah, there he goes, crushing his can. Now the liquid bubbles out the top and dribbles down onto his pants. He mutters an aw shit and just...sets the can away. He doesn't care about it right now. ]

I don't know what the hell he was thinking! I can't wrap my mind around it. Isn't telling someone how much you care supposed to be winning them back? Why the hell would he leave that to the last minute after he's decided it's over? Dude, no--I've gotta agree with him on one point. You do deserve better. That's not love. I don't know what it is--maybe it's just...weird and misguided, but that's not...that's not how you treat someone you love. That's not how you confess to someone. You don't throw that in their face and then walk away! If he's hurting, that doesn't mean he has to hurt you too!

[ At first he just nods, very nearly an idle motion, at Yosuke's incredulous - and undoubtedly rhetorical - questions. The "L" word. Yeah. Minato sure had said it just moments before walking away.

And then he just lets Yosuke rant, spilling out all the words that Yu can't say, has been having trouble phrasing in his own mind. He only glances at his best friend during that last sentence.

If he's hurting, that doesn't mean he has to hurt you too!

... but he had. He'd hurt Yu worse than he'd thought he was capable of hurting over this. He looks away again and has to stay silent for a moment to breathe and swallow down the sudden lump in his throat. ]

I don't get it, [ he admits very softly, ducking his chin so he can rest his forehead on the bridge his fingers still make. ]

I wanted to walk beside him. For us to support each other. But this whole time... I was blind to his true feelings. Maybe that's my fault.

[ He lifts his head and stares forward again, intense and tight-lipped. ]

... I don't know how I'm going to face him after this.

[ Yu's pain is quiet. It calms Yosuke's fire, but only just so. He's seen Yu angry, wholly and entirely taken in by rage to the point of nearly killing a man--a plan that Yosuke had encouraged, really. But this isn't just anger, that part has passed, he's sure. This is Yu dealing with the aftermath, the burn and the weight of reality once the initial shock and ire has taken place.

...This is a Yu that shouldn't have to be. He shouldn't have to be like this.

Yosuke exhales sharply through his nose, clearly attempting to reign himself back in. He's still mad--oh like hell he's pissed off--but Yu doesn't need another storm. Yu needs a friend. ]

...I know.

[ He holds on to both of his thighs now, eyes dropping to where the toes of their shoes almost touch. ]

You're the type of person who wants to help people. People you know...people you don't know. But...you're not a mind reader. You can't know what everyone is thinking. He obviously had reasons to hide it. The truth--it's...dirty and ugly sometimes. We know that better than anyone, right? The things about ourselves that we don't want to face but have to learn to accept.

[ Their shadows. He wonders, did Minato ever have to deal with his own? ]

...Even if he didn't mean for it to be like this, it...it still is, man. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. And if he's this...if he's had reservations, if he's been hiding things for whatever reason and didn't think they were something he could share with someone he supposedly loves...it's tough, but it's not supposed to be easy, right? The people you love...you don't care about them because it's easy. You care about them because you accept everything that they are, and know that if you believe in each other you can be the best that you can be. Sometimes we hurt people we care about, but it shouldn't be...an excuse for anything.

[ He looks up to Yu again, trying to catch his gaze. ]

If he's not on the same level as that...it's not your job to bring him there, Yu. You've got to take care of yourself. You've already pointed out that your feelings matter too, don't they? It's your heart on the line too. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do...and that means that it's okay that you can't help everyone. If he can't face it, how is anyone else supposed to?

[ About halfway through Paragraph 2, Yu finally looks at Yosuke again and then keeps holding his gaze.

The people you love...you don't care about them because it's easy. You care about them because you accept everything that they are, and know that if you believe in each other you can be the best that you can be.

... yeah, that is true, isn't it?

Yu finds himself suddenly strangely aware of his own heartbeat, and ignores it by breathing through it and focusing on what Yosuke has to say.

Is it okay that he can't help everyone? On a practical level he knows that, he's only human, but... there's a reason others rely on him so much. If he can't do what they need or what they expect of him, then...

No, he can't go down that line of logic. It's pointless, and he knows he'd tell another person never to be so hard on themselves as all that. (but no one else is the leader)

Finally Yu bobs his head in a resigned nod, even though he still doesn't seem totally convinced. ]

I know. If he won't listen to me, there's nothing more I can do. It just...

[ He rubs a hand over his chest, the palm of it landing just below his left shoulder, in the middle of that huge bite mark that now mars his skin. Far from being angry now, he just seems ... sad, and tired. ]

I can't stop thinking about what if and why, but dwelling on those things won't help me. All I can do is move forward.

[ He doesn't think that he can fix everything that's going on with words, Yosuke knows it doesn't work like that. But he does know a few well-chosen words can make a big difference. Yu has done that for him on many occasions. And while Yosuke may not be the best at picking just a few, he offers what he can.

Which includes a shoulder.

When Yu starts to press his hand against his chest, Yosuke scoots a little closer, shifting so that their thighs press together. He slips a hand around Yu's shoulder and nods. ]

Yeah.

[ He tries to sound encouraging. ]

I know that doesn't mean it's all gonna stop running through your head, but...that's what we're here for, right? When that stuff is driving you crazy and you can't think about anything else. You know you can come to me.

[ "We" changed to "me" fairly quickly, maybe Yosuke doesn't even notice it. ]

...I really wanted to like the guy for your sake, at least. I don't really know him other than...through all of this. You know that I had some of my own reservations from the start, and maybe that makes me biased, but...I'm sorry this ended so shitty. Really sorry. You shouldn't have to go through this.

[ A thrill runs through him when Yosuke presses close and slips an arm around his shoulder. A wave of guilt follows it just as swiftly before he shoves any and all emotions associated with that moment far down and smothers them.

Instead he tries a smile. It's not quite genuine and doesn't touch his eyes, but it's there. It's all he can muster up. But at least, despite all odds and all feeling right now, it's something he can still put on. ]

Yeah. I'm grateful for you guys. I know you'll have my back. Plus, it's never hard to stay busy.

[ Little knowing just how busy things will get in short order, but that's something else entirely.

If he noticed the switch from "we" to "me," he gives no sign. But that "you" may not be a general you, and if it isn't, well, that would probably be on purpose.

His expression shifts into something a little more troubled at what Yosuke says next. Yu opens his mouth to speak, pauses, and looks away briefly. ]

... however I might feel, please don't hold it against him. As upset as I've been, I know Minato-san is hurting, too. I ... [ Yu grimaces, dropping both hands into his lap and letting the can of tea dangle from his fingertips, between his legs. ] I shouldn't have said what I did about what happened to him. He kept it hidden for a reason. Even if he shouldn't have lied to me, that should have been his to tell anyone else, not mine.

[ It's clear in his face and his voice that he really, truly regrets spilling the beans about Minato's death. His jaw works for a brief moment before he looks at Yosuke again. ]

... I'll be alright. [ Quietly, gently. ] ... I just need time.

[ Yosuke nods as if to affirm Yu's statement. They will always have his back--Yosuke himself, Rise, and Naoto. He's got other friends here too, plenty he's sure that don't have a direct connection to Minato. And even so, regardless of whether they think a breakup was warranted or not, they should still be able to recognize a friend's pain.

Likewise...Minato isn't his friend. But... ]

Oh...dude. [ He blinks, then shakes his head with a weary smile. ] I'm not gonna pretend and say he's my favorite person right now, but I'm not gonna go...hunting him down or anything. He hurt you and of course I don't like that, but...I get it. He's got his own shit to work through. I'm not gonna tell anyone, don't worry.

[ He thought that would go without saying, but maybe that's more of Yu's guilt speaking than anything else. Yosuke has no problem assuring him if he needs it. Like he said, he doesn't really know Minato outside of this situation, which probably isn't entirely fair to the guy and definitely clouds Yosuke's ideas of him, but something that damning...no, Yosuke's used to having people propagate rumors and talk behind his back. He wouldn't do that to someone else.

Yosuke gives his friend's shoulder a squeeze. ]

You'll have all the time you want, partner. [ A beat as he gives Yu's knee a gentle nudge with his own. ] And I'll be right here when you need me.

Edited 2016-08-07 20:20 (UTC)

[ Yu only smiles, wan and tired in his bones, at Yosuke's reassurances. That's just it: it's not that he doesn't trust Yosuke. He just feels so incredibly guilty for what he did that he said it anyway. It's a relief to hear the promise.

He lets his head drop between his shoulders, sighing heavily through the warm, solid grip on his shoulder. Finally, he opens the can of tea and lifts it to take a sip. ... and then another, because he didn't realize how dry his throat had gone with all this talking and all this wrenching emotion.

A certain fondness, and immense gratitude, fills his expression when he looks at Yosuke again. He doesn't feel ready to face ... a lot of things. Minato, his other friends, the world. But he doesn't have a choice. He can't stop moving, stop doing, stop being the leader.

But maybe ... maybe it won't be as bad as it feels like it ought to be.

Not with Yosuke here. ]

Thanks, Yosuke. For everything.

[ He waits as Yu smiles, sighs, and absorbs everything slowly. He waits patiently, watching and offering his support for as long as Yu will accept it. It makes him smile a little more when Yu takes not one but two drinks from his can of tea. Good. It shows that he's loosening up, even if just a little.

When Yu turns to look at him, Yosuke is smiling calmly and warmly. He gives an airy laugh and shakes his head gently. ]

Hey, you don't need to thank me. We're partners, right?

Partners.

[ Yu affirms the term with a great deal of warmth. His gratitude for Yosuke goes beyond words. They've already gone through so much in the short time that Yosuke has been here, and really, Yosuke would have every right to still be angry with him. But not only has his best friend forgiven him, but he's here now when Yu needs support the most...

With a quiet sigh and a quirk of his smile, Yu gives Yosuke a nudge. A friendly gesture, the sort of thing they'd normally do.

He's not okay, really. It will be some time before he's okay again. But this -- at least this is something. ]

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