youraffection | [IC] Inbox @ recolle

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[IC] Inbox @ recolle

Yosuke Hanamura

Iiiiiiit's Yosuke! You know what to do. And if you don't, leave a message after the tone. Beep! ...Haha, okay, for real now.

陽介だぜ！わかんねぇだろうな？メッセージを残ってくれ！ピーッつってん後で。ピーッ！　。。。はは、じゃ、まじで。

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[ Yu's response gets Yosuke to lift his head, looking hopeful. ]

Yeah?

[ His heart thumps against his ribcage. He nods, accepting the acceptance of his proposal. He toes the ground to give himself another push, which subsequently makes him starting to wobble from side to side on the swing. One hand grips the chains while the other rests on his thigh. ]

Great. There's a ton of places we could go.

[ It's fun thinking about possibilities, what ifs and maybes. But he realizes that it's this moment that he's really enjoying the most. This moment with Yu, this playground, this strange time between night and morning. He doesn't really want it to end.

He watches the moonlight in Yu's eyes--whether from the actual moon or just Yu is hard to tell--before letting his gaze drop to his grass-stained knee. (There's only a slight discoloration, a darker grey, since green has been so wonderfully stripped from their world.) ]

Hey, um...

[ He swallows. ]

We're...hanging out right now, yeah?

Your treat, your pick. Surprise me.

[ Warmly. He's honestly really excited. They're going to spend most of the weekend together at this rate... the thought gives him a happy little thrill.

To be honest, Yu has had a really good day from start to finish. Well, "terrifying" eventually turned into "good" when he had reason to hope, and "good" turned into "great" once he and Yosuke were walking down the street holding hands. It's been, all in all, a day of dreams coming true. He graduated high school and gave a speech that wasn't awful in front of a class of his peers. His college plans are set, and he's actually pretty excited about those. He wore stupid glasses and played DDR and now he and the boy he likes are just ... spending time together, on a playground, like they're still kids.

They are, in some ways that matter. And they're not, too, in different ways. They stand on that knife's edge, but they stand there together.

Messing around in the moonlight.

Yu breathes out slow, knowing where this might lead. Yosuke clearly has something on his mind. Best just ... play along, for now? ]

Yeah. And having a pretty good time, I think. [ Glances at Yosuke, thoughtful, a shadow away from a smile. ]

[ He's not sure where he's going with this. No, well, he's actually very sure where he needs to be going with this, what he isn't sure about is how to get there. Accepting that he has feelings for Yu has been one of the biggest hurdles of his life. It's not that Yu is unlikeable--far from it, Yu is awesome and Yosuke has pretty much always thought so once he started getting to know him. Yosuke didn't think he could even be into guys.

Like, ever.

He never thought he had a specific issue with guys liking guys or girls liking girls, he'd just never encountered it in person before. In many ways it was best that he got to know a couple of people before learning about their sexuality, it helped cement the idea that it didn't define who you are.

Which, of course, is difficult for Yosuke to apply to himself. But even when he started to realize that his reactions to Yu had stemmed from jealous that might not be entirely platonic, the real fear came not from within but from without--his family. What would they think? His mom...he's really uncertain. But his dad, well, he's pretty confident that would go south fairly quickly.

What was more important? Being true to himself or avoiding conflict? The latter has been Yosuke's preference for a long time. But once Yu sent him that playlist...it wasn't any longer a possibility, a choice he could avoid as long as he remained ignorant. He had to make a decision.

And there they are. ]

Yeah, [ Yosuke breathes with a tentative smile and a nod. ] We are. I am, I mean.

[ Horsing around, being silly (and a little evasive, he knows). Yu had opened the discussion as soon as they were leaving the school, but Yosuke had been dodging it. He knows its his turn to really bring it back around.]

So...um...is that...is that all we're doing?

[ Ugh, that sounds awful. Yosuke cringes and shakes his head, bringing one hand to his forehead. ]

Sorry, that's really lame--I...I have no idea what I'm saying, haha. I've...

[ Sigh. Okay, take two.

He drops his hand and looks up towards the moon. ]

So there was this girl that I liked about a year ago that I finally got the balls to tell her that I felt that way, right? But I was kinda dropping hints all over the place by hanging out and getting movie tickets and stuff. And she agreed most of the time. I thought we were friends, at least, but when I finally told her how I felt...I totally botched the whole thing and she turned me down. So...

[ So... ]

I...really don't know how to do this without messing it up.

[ To be frank, he isn't worried about his own parents. He has no plans to tell them. And without that, it's not like they'll ever find out. They'd have to put effort into caring about the twins' lives for that to happen.

Not that he's bitter. Why would he be bitter?

No, all he has to worry about is Souji and maybe Ardyn, and he already knows Souji is okay with it. And his uncle... Yu has a feeling Ardyn will be happy as long as he's happy, which is an incredibly, almost painfully, warming thought. He doesn't want to really admit to himself how grateful he is just to know there's a family member that will not only care about his happiness, but encourage his choices. What a thought, huh?

Those are the outside opinions he has to consider, anyway. There's one more opinion that matters most of all, and it belongs to the boy sitting beside him.

Yu watches Yosuke's face as he talks, not really reacting either to the clunky initial question or to the tide of words that follows. He's clearly attentive, his thoughtfulness showing in his expression and his bearing, but he doesn't say anything. Not until Yosuke is done. Even then he assumes his usual silence, the one he always adopts when he's thinking and wants to choose his words carefully.

A breath, and a sigh out. ]

Nothing has to change that you don't want to. [ Soft, clearly said, as if he's choosing each word with care. ] We can keep spending time together and enjoying each other's company, just like we always have. Though... I wouldn't mind holding hands, or...

[ ... he pauses, wondering if Yosuke can see him blushing in the moonlight as he glances away. After clearing his throat, he pulls in a breath and looks at Yosuke directly. ]

I like you. I have for a long time now. I don't really know what I'm doing either, but... it seems to me like all we have to do is whatever we want to do. Isn't that right?

[ Of course Yu is patient and thoughtful, those are two of the qualities that Yosuke likes so much about him. He's not necessarily afraid to say these things to Yu, but he's afraid of not being able to follow through in the end. He wants Yu to know that he isn't great at this, that he tends to mess up, that sometimes he's a disappointment. He's...well, he's only human, but Yu deserves to know that Yosuke has no idea what he's doing.

At all. And it scares him a bit.

So it's Yosuke's turn to be quiet and thoughtful as he watches and listens to the other boy. He isn't surprised at Yu's understanding and willingness to accommodate, either. The implications as his voice trails off gets Yosuke to flush as well, clearly understanding what was left unsaid.

Oh boy..

He's...comforted, in some ways. Yu isn't pushing him to do anything he isn't ready for. ]

Yeah, that's right.

[ But there's something lingering in his chest. Yosuke's gaze drops again. ]

I just--...a couple weeks ago...--a couple weeks ago, I didn't even think that I could...y'know...like another guy. At all.

[ He looks up again, less flustered, but there's clear hints of worry in his eyes and pulling at the edges of his lips. ]

What if I...

[ Can't. ]

... a couple weeks ago I never thought we'd end up sitting here, side by side, talking like this.

[ He's terrified of saying the wrong thing. Of failing Yosuke's expectations and needs, of not being enough and ruining this before it starts.

But... they like each other. They do. That's all that matters, isn't it? Please... let him get this right. ]

We're both discovering new things. About each other, and ourselves. The me of a few months ago... wouldn't have sent you that playlist.

[ Looking down, eyes narrowed in seriousness. ]

But I did. I was able to... thanks to my friends. To you.

[ He looks up at Yosuke again, searching. ]

... we're going to make mistakes. But we'll work through them together. If ... we're scared, or not sure ... we'll lean on each other. Alright?

[ Yosuke looks up slowly as Yu begins. His own insecurities feel like the biggest road block of all, but Yu has his own, doesn't he? Being aware of one's sexuality doesn't make you anymore confident or ready to put yourself out there. It's tough.

Yu's pretty tough.

And he's changed, Yosuke can tell that much. He has definitely opened up more from when they first met, and not just to Yosuke. It's nice to see and even nicer to be a part of. So when their eyes meet, Yosuke's look a little less uncertain. Nervous, yes, but...whatever is going on between them, Yu is his friend, first and foremost. And that's exactly what Yosuke needs. And maybe that's what Yu needs too.

A small huff through his nose as Yosuke toes the ground, but his eyes remain on Yu's face. He pushes his foot down and pivots his ankle, causing his swing to twirl a little bit, swaying to and fro. ]

Alright.

[ He nods in agreement. ]

I'm glad you're my friend.

[ A small smile sneaks out, warmth spreading throughout his chest at the memory. ]

That playlist...really threw me for a loop, y'know.

[ Compared to Yosuke's small movements, Yu is fairly still. What restlessness in him is hidden in his hands; they shift on the chains, occasionally making them clink. And he is feeling restless; he's still scared out of his mind. But Yosuke looks at him, and he tries to still his heartbeat. It's going to be okay. It's going to be. ]

I'm glad you're mine, [ he'll whisper, soft and shy.

A smile flickers across his lips, and he'll glance away again, staring at the divots his toes have dug into the ground. ]

... it took me a while to make up my mind on whether or not to send it to you. At least two weeks. I...

[ ... ]

I thought I was seeing things... or, just imagining what I wanted to imagine? But... I was hoping you felt the same way. So I thought I'd make another playlist, and express my feelings to you that way. If ... you'd wanted to let me down, it would have been easy enough to do.

[ A faint laugh, somewhat nervous and self-deprecating. ]

... but you didn't.

[ Yu looks at him. Really looks at him again, that intense look from earlier back on his face. ]

Yosuke, will you ... will you go out with me?

Two weeks...?

[ He's a little surprised to hear that. Two weeks ago was...around prom, wasn't it? When Yosuke made his big fuss and realized that he was most definitely jealous when he thought that Yu and Karkat were dating. Even at the time he knew his reasoning was shit, but he hadn't fully understood the implications of his tantrum until later that weekend.

Letting him down...yeah, Yosuke figured that he could have just feigned ignorance in regards to the playlist, but would have really been able to in the long run? He isn't the best actor, really. It might have seemed like the easy out, but Karkat's advice, however gruffly worded, played in his mind...

In this hypothetical situation, by the way, which would be worse: Knowing that your dad may or may not be disappointed in you or living a terrible, shitty lie.

Yosuke looks back at Yu.

...but you didn't.

No, he didn't.

He made his choice. And he's presented with another.

Yosuke knows what's coming, the topic that they've been dancing around since he picked Yu up. (Really, it was Yosuke doing most of the dancing and Yu just being his patient self, waiting for Yosuke to come around, which he eventually did.) He knows what's coming, but it doesn't make him anymore prepared to actually hear those words.

...will you go out with me?

Yosuke straightens in the seat of the swing, shoulders raising slightly and expression softening despite himself. His heart is going a mile a minute, his skin suddenly feeling impossibly warm. The intensity of Yu's gaze nearly knocks him off the swing itself, but his grip on the chains keeps him in place.

This could be the moment where he draws the line. He could say that he likes Yu, but he's not ready. He could say that the whole guy thing just won't work out in the end. He could just say that he doesn't want to lose Yu's friendship at the expense of this, but...

...this...the past, what, hour or so?

Has just been awesome. He's been on a high ever since graduation. Every text made him smile. Yu makes him smile. And he has for a while.

He just has to let it happen. ]

...Y-Yeah!

[ His voice cracks. Of course it does.

Way to ruin the moment.

Yosuke quickly covers his mouth and feels a lot less cool than all the introspective thoughts that were going through his head. ]

Yosuke.

[ His voice comes out rough. God. Weeks. Months of being scared.

I guess the question is, how ok are you with never telling him?

I'm fine with it. I'd rather treasure our friendship than have nothing.

His heart feels too big for his chest, pounding at the bars of his ribcage like it's trying to force its way out. Out up into his throat, perhaps, where it could stop him from breathing, stop him from thinking right. Yosuke is looking up at him, bright, beautiful Yosuke, staring at him with a tense posture but a soft expression and saying--

--saying--

yes. Saying yes.

They're going to be a couple. They are a couple.

Without thinking Yu's hand reaches out, finding one of Yosuke's and curling around it, hand over hand over chain. He wants Yosuke close, so much closer, but he won't get up, not now, not and risk breaking this spell. Risk pulling them out of this world where Yosuke likes him and wants to be his boyfriend.

Just thinking the word makes heat race up his neck, and it's Yu's turn to swallow and glance away, feeling awkward. But eventually he'll unstick his lungs and try: ]

I-- uh-- good. I...

[ .... ah .... that wasn't cool at all. The cool thing to say would've been "I'll make you happy, I swear" or something...

Ready to burst at the seams from his nerves, Yu just abruptly starts to laugh. What a pair they are, squeaking nervously at each other. ]

[ Hearing Yu say his name like that--god. That'll do things to him.

The next thing he knows, they're closer. A lot closer, his swing jerking a bit by the sudden motion. But there's warmth in Yu's hand now settled on his. Yosuke's fingers unconsciously tighten around the chain. His other hand moves from his mouth to reach out and grab one of the chains on Yu's spring, if at least to help steady them both.

Yu, wonderful, thoughtful Yu, who may not always know what to say, but hearing him actually stammer like Yosuke is prone to is something new.

Yu laughs and so does Yosuke, eyes crinkling at the edges as they both giggle helplessly through their nervousness.

It's such a perfectly imperfect moment. ]

...Guess this is why it's easier to let the music talk for us, huh?

[ His knees bump Yu's, now that they're both facing each other. Though the swings rock slightly, he finally places his toes on the ground to keep them in place. ]

[ How is Yosuke always so warm? Warm hands, warn fingers, warm arms, always warmth surrounding him. It's like being surrounded by the sun. It should get overbearing, so much light and heat, but Yu's finding it's only to easy to settle into it. Yosuke's light isn't a harsh light, after all. No, it just ... makes him feel safe.

Yosuke grasps the chain of his swing, and Yu feels his heart skip, his chest squeezing with anticipation and nerves. Without even thinking he'll lean in a little, closing just a bit of the gap between them before pausing. ]

... that might be why.

[ At least that gets his voice unstuck.

He leans in a little more. ]

... Yosuke ... this time, can I ... ?

[ He won't do it without Yosuke's permission. ]

[ It's happening again.

They're getting closer. But this time, he's ready. He knows what's going on between them, what they're going to try to do together. They've both shared some of their fears and promised to support each other through whatever happens. Yosuke is still nervous, of course he is, but...

He's ready.

Yu leans in a little and Yosuke's stomach flips. He swallows, his tongue darting out to subconsciously lick his bottom lip.

Yu leans in a little more, then stops--and asks. He could go for a hollywood moment and just go for it, but no, Yu asks because Yosuke has been so dodgy of his clear intentions earlier. Yu cares more about Yosuke's comfort..

That makes it way better.

He swallows again and nods gently. ]

Yeah...

[ His voice comes out more breath than sound, but it sounds loud to his own ears. And to show his resolve, Yosuke finally leans in towards Yu, closing the distance between them. ]

[ Their lips touch, and Yu lets his eyes slip shut. For maybe the first time in days, his heart knows peace.

What counts as a magical first kiss? Does sitting on the swings of playground beneath the bright, shining moon count? Yosuke's mouth pressed against his - god, and he wanted to, Yosuke leaned in - makes his stomach swoop, makes his whole chest explode with sparks. Is this what people mean when they talk about "fireworks"? He'd always imagined picturing them, as silly as that was. But there's nothing in his mind's eye now. He's too busy experiencing, too busy feeling. Too busy kissing Yosuke. His boyfriend.

His hand tightens on Yosuke's, and he tilts his head slightly to make the kiss that much more perfect.

Yeah... yeah-- as far as first kisses go, this is pretty perfect. ]

[ It certainly counts as a magical first kiss to Yosuke.

Is it bad that he was worried he wouldn't like it? That there would be something inherently strange about Yu's lips that would scream "GUY" in Yosuke's mind and make him turn away? His boldness is rooted in the moment, not wanting to continue to beat around the proverbial bush any longer. He's made his choice.

And he's not upset at all. Yu's lips are surprisingly soft and surprisingly warm, a warmth that spreads down the back of Yosuke's neck and then throughout his entire torso. Could something so simple really change him so completely in a matter of seconds? It seems so.

It's not weird at al. It's...it's just kind of amazing.

Yu adjusts the angle and Yosuke feels butterflies in his stomach. He lets out an unintentional huff, a laugh he stifles by pressing his lips back against Yu's more fully.

He can do this. No, he's doing this.

He's kissing this guy.

And he thinks he likes it. ]

[ Ah.... ah, no. No, that little laugh is enough to do Yu in. It's taking all his heart and all his courage to keep this up as it is. There's nothing he wants to do more in this world right now than stay here and kiss Yosuke until neither of them can breathe, but there's also nothing he needs more than to flee. Flee from how overwhelmed he is by his own emotions. Even if they're all good, all wonderful, he still feels a little like he can't breathe.

Torn between the two impulses, Yu ends up breaking off slowly, blinking his eyes open and staring at Yosuke in wonder. Hardly able to breathe properly, he kisses Yosuke's upper lip, the tip of his nose--

--and then he rests their foreheads together, his ribcage shuddering with the force of his slow, contented sigh.

Thou art I... And I am thou...
Thou hast reached a new level in thine bond...

It brings thee closer to the truth...

Thou shalt be blessed when creating
Personas of the Lovers Arcana...

The Social Link is at level 8.
Your power to create Personas of the Lovers Arcana has grown.

... yeah. Okay. That makes him start to chuckle, and once he starts he can't stop, laughing softly against Yosuke's skin and wondering if this is what true happiness feels like. ]

[ It's a lot simpler than he thought it would be, and yet it still blows his mind. They're kissing. They're totally kissing and he's only kind of mentally freaking out about it, but not from fear. It's because it's nice--it makes his cheeks warm and heart beat faster. It's wonderful and awesome and he almost can't believe it's happening.

When Yu pulls away, Yosuke exhales lightly, only to blink when his upper lip and nose are kissed so sweetly. His eyes stay half-lidded as Yu leans in, letting their bangs press messily between their foreheads. And then...

...he's laughing? ]

Wh-what?

[ Yosuke blinks again, letting out an uncertain laugh of his own. He pulls back a couple inches so he can get a better look at Yu's face. ]

What's so funny? Was I that bad? You're a jerk.

[ Oh boy. There's something really appealing about seeing Yosuke like that, even from this close, the way his eyes are half-lidded and his wet lips oh so slightly parted...

Of course, the image leaves him as Yosuke pulls away, and that just makes Yu laugh more. He wants to do something with his hands-- and can't, with the way they're sitting-- so only his free hand moves, cupping Yosuke's jaw with gentle fondness. ]

You make me happy, [ he says simply, by way of explanation. His smile is making his eyes crinkle. ] That's all. Still, I ... wouldn't say no to more practice ...

[ he's smooth, right

the smoothest ]

[ He's

Smooth enough for Yosuke. Isn't that what counts? (Ignore where that sets the bar for the both of them.)

Yosuke flushes, though from which comments its hard to tell. Both? Both is probably accurate. ]

Y-Yeah?

[ Oh boy. He would be pretty down for more practice too, especially when Yu is smiling like that, trying to be coy. It's...really pretty cute.

He can't believe he's thinking like this.

With that, Yosuke leans in slowly, the gentle weight of Yu's hand a silent coaxing...

--and then he pulls back entirely before their lips can meet again. ]

...Gotta earn it!

[ He raises his brows with a wide grin on his face before he let's go of the chain of Yu's swing and gives the other boy a gentle but playful shove away from him, pulling his own hand back as well to dislodge Yu's hold onto his swing. His swing wobbles away, but Yosuke quickly scrambles to his feet and sprints over to the monkey bars. ]

Wh-- hey!

[ He wasn't expecting that at all. Not with Yosuke leaning in again with that look on his face, enough to make his eyes glaze over and his heart start to beat too hard again....

... but no, Yosuke abruptly pulls back and Yu is left swinging haphazardly, kind of stumbling out of the swing now that it's all off-kilter. Yosuke's already gone, and Yu takes off after him without thinking, grinning heedlessly. ]

Oh yeah?!

[ Yosuke better hope he makes it to the monkey bars before Yu does. Because if Yu catches him they're both going down. ]

You heard me!

[ Yosuke shouts back over his shoulder, laughing merrily. Okay, so it's a little random, but that's half the fun, right? They're just two guys horsing around who happen to like each other and are learning how to kiss each other. No biggie.

(It's a biggie.)

Luckily for Yosuke, his speed is much better than his coordination most of the time. He reaches the monkey bars and only needs to do a short hop to grab onto them. They really seemed a lot higher when he was a kid, but there's enough space that he can still hang a few inches off of the ground with his arms stretched out. ]

I win!

[ Gah. Yu will slow to a lope, then to a walk as he catches up with Yosuke, knowing when he's lost. When he does make it there he'll move to stand in front of Yosuke, who is currently defenseless with his arms stretched up over his head. Yu gives him kind of a narrow, considering look, as if he might be wondering how dearly it might cost him to tickle Yosuke right now and ruin his life.

In the end, all he does is reach up and poke Yosuke in the forehead. ]

Yeah, of course you won, you cheater.

[ Taking a few steps back, Yu will turn and face away, then also does a shallow hop to grab one of the bars. Then he pulls his body up, curling it, so he can stick his legs through the bars instead. He'll use his feet to hook himself securely, and then let himself hang upside down facing Yosuke. Not really caring, he lets his arms dangle, too, just kinda chilling out upside down with his shirt rucking up around his middle. ]

Well, I guess in terms of the night's victories, that makes us even.

[ Yosuke, while not knowing Yu's dubious intentions, is glad that he isn't tickled, as he likely would have lost his grip and awkwardly tumbled onto the both of them. And that probably would have hurt.

He can't help the way his grin widens cheekily at the pop on his forehead. Yes, Yosuke is proud. It's about time he's won something, right? Even if Yu had no heads up. Still, he watches as the other boy goes for the monkey bars as well, although Yu ups his game. Yu is the one on the sports team so it shouldn't be a surprise that he has to show off and loop his feet through the bars, although Yosuke has to admit that seeing him upside down with his hair sticking up is pretty funny.

Although...he really can't help the way that his eyes dart upwards as Yu's shirt decides to go, well, downwards.

...Y-Yeah, he has been working out, huh? ]

Huh?

[ Wait, what? Oh. Shit.

Yosuke quickly shakes himself out of it. ]

Yeah! Yeah, we're even now, haha.

[ Awkward.

Even though he's allowed to look now. Right? Right.

Yosuke lifts his feet up slightly just to avoid any potential dragging as he swings back and forth through a couple bars. ]

These sure seemed a lot taller as a kid.

[ Was Yosuke distracted because of him?

Upside down it's a little harder to make out exactly what's going across Yosuke's face, especially in the moonlight, but the way he paused was pretty suspicious. Yu just kinda hangs there for a few moments more, considering this development, and then casually stretches, his whole body arching slightly in a way that makes his shirt ruck up a little further.

And then he goes back to casually dangling. ]

Does this mean you won't take me out to lunch on Sunday?

[ Also casual, teasing.

Yu will relent his silent teasing in the form of curling his body up again, gripping a bar in his hands and untangling his feet so they come loose and fall below him. Once he's free, he'll drop to stand properly, shaking out his head to fix his hair. Then he'll take a step back to watch Yosuke swing. ]

They're still pretty fun.

[ Yu is so doing that on purpose and frankly it's rude. Yosuke could be jealous but instead it just makes him feel a little embarrassingly warm. Ahem. ]

Well, there are a few places I still wanna try out...so I guess.

[ He tries to make it sound like an ordeal, but it's probably obvious that it doesn't affect his plans to take Yu out at all. (Take him out, is he really thinking that way?)

Somehow Yu makes that landing look easy too. Ugh, it's so not far. Yosuke looks back up at the bars and tries to swing his legs up too. ]

Yeah, but--rugh--

[ Okay, maybe it's less about sheer strength and more about momentum? Yosuke decides to try that angle and swings his legs back and forth before taking one big push forward--and manages to catch his feet on one of the bars. ]

Woohoo!

[ Now he's hanging from all fours, but as he looks upside down, he grins at Yu. ]

What do you say to a tie-breaker?

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