youraffection | [IC] Inbox @ recolle

[ The whole time Yu watches Yosuke like he's a wonder. Like something not of this earth, too special and precious to be real. There's so much emotion writ large across his face, the kind of vulnerable he lets himself be only around Yosuke. His boyfriend, the person he loves, the person he chose to let in closer than anyone else. There's love and hope and so much fear.

Yu does not smile in return. He lifts his hands to press them over Yosuke's, eyes searching his boyfriend's as if for some answer. ]

... I ... want to live this life. I want to become a doctor and build a life here, with our families and the friends we've made. I want...

[ shy, quiet: ]

I want to build a life with you. That future is ... something I want the chance to build, more than anything. I...

[ his voice shivers. these are the confessions he's kept inside him for weeks, maybe months without realizing it. his deepest, darkest secrets. what he's most ashamed of. ]

I don't want that life. The life we have now is so important to me that I don't want to let go of it. Even though I know the right thing to do would be to go back and fix the mistakes that I made, if I somehow could. Even though I know that feeling this way will only hurt the people I love if ... if, someday, we're separated.

[ he hates himself for feeling this way. for being too weak, too selfish, to reject his own desires. ]

I ... I don't know what to do. It feels like no matter which life I choose, I'll be hurting people I care about.

[ He wants to know what Yu wants. Yu is so used to accommodating other people's wants that, for him, it does seem selfish to actually allow himself to want something, doesn't it? Yosuke's been trying to coax him out of that habit bit by bit. It's okay to want and to need things, especially other people. People need people. That's just how it is.

Yosuke needs Yu. Maybe Yu needs Yosuke too. That's why it works out in the end.

I want to build a life with you.

That...that sounds so heavy. Yosuke feels his heart thump in his chest as he swallows. It could imply--n-no, he's not going to think that word. He's not ready for that sort of thing. He's misinterpreted Yu before and it's easy given the sort of romantic, cheesy guy he is at the end of the day. He wants Yosuke around, is what he means...right? Well, Yosuke wants Yu around too. So maybe they are on the same page.

As he continues, things start to become a little clearer. What Yu has been struggling with has he began to notice the differences, that there could possibly be a choice in his future. Does he have that option? Do any of them? ]

Hey...

[ He brings his hands up--and Yu's, consequently--to hold the other boy's face. ]

I'm not gonna pretend I know what that must feel like...I'll admit that I don't wanna think about there being an option for any of us to go back. Here is more important to me too, you know? But calling one thing the right one or the other...I just don't think that's how it works. We don't even know if that's an option at this point, so tearing yourself up over it isn't gonna do you any good in the hear and now. We've got enough to worry about as it is. Y'know, like how they forgot to turn the lights back on.

[ A small laugh as he smooths his thumbs along Yu's cheekbones. ]

As weird as this place is, it's home. And so are all the people in it. Without you, it...it just wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be home.

[ There's a long pause as his expression falls just a tad, a little sad and a little thoughtful. Yu leaving...even if it was to make things right... ]

...Don't go.

[ Now it's his turn to be selfish. ]

I love you.

[ The saying "time stopped" ... it's dramatic, isn't it? To feel as if the world has actually frozen around you ... to someone as restrained as Yu, that sort of thing sounded like the kind of fantasy that only existed in books.

Despite that belief, time stops when Yosuke says those words to him. However long it is he spends staring, shocked, into his boyfriend's eyes... however long it takes for him to pull in another breath... it's not possible for time to have moved, because the moment after those words left Yosuke's lips felt infinite.

When time resumes, there's only one way he can respond. It's as he leans in to softly press their lips together, his eyes falling shut, that he realizes tears had gathered in his eyes, because of the way they finally fall. ]

I love you too.

[ soft words of boundless warmth when he pulls back to reveal a smile on his face. ]

[ Thoughts that had been bouncing around in his head for a while, feelings that he'd started to recognize but been unable to voice. For as hard as he fought to "date" before, the actual intimacy and intensity of a real relationship is something that Yosuke has had to ease into. And Yu has been patient--eternally patient and understanding with him every step of the way.

Yosuke has known that he loves Yu for around a month, now, but hasn't voiced it. He thought about it earlier, but didn't want it to come off as some sort of pity for the boy that was hurting so much and wanted something to hold onto.

But the thought of Yu leaving, of missing the opportunity to tell him, to be honest with himself--

He can't bear it.

The kiss is sweet and welcome. And when Yu pulls back, that smile warms every fiber of Yosuke's being. Maybe this is why Yu didn't need a jacket in the first place.

He laughs, giddy and awkward and surprised with himself. His heart is racing, is that weird? ]

That's a good look for you, partner.

[ Yu lifts his hands to cup Yosuke's face instead, his expression impossibly fond. He even shakes his head a little, disbelieving.

How could he be so lucky as to have such an indescribably wonderful person love him?

Slowly, but with conviction: ]

If ... there's a life where I made mistakes, then ... at least it led me to this one. Whether or not it's the "right" one ... it's the one we have together, and I'll do everything I can to live it well.

[ They must look silly standing in front of Yu's uncles house, both holding each other's faces and staring into each other's eyes like this is some cinematic romance. That's the kind Yosuke always thought he wanted--movie perfect. He's realized the real thing is a lot more complicated. There are no scripts for them to follow, no telling music track, just two people with all their flaws, riding the ups and downs as they figure out each other and the curveballs the world throws at them. But at the end of the day, it's having each other that makes it worth it.

That's better than a movie, he thinks. Movies always end when the couple finds each other, they never follow the aftermath. If he thinks back to the night they got together, he knows it's a pretty good time. But the depth of his feelings and the closeness he feels with Yu, now...he wouldn't trade these moments for anything.

Yosuke nods in agreement, wearing a smile of his own. ]

Yeah...that's how I like to look at it. I can see what I could have done, who I could have been, and try to learn from the good things and the bad things. This is the life we're living now. And sometimes it's kind of awesome, don't you think?

[ Not in either life did Yu really think love was in the cards for a person like him, a shy recluse with a pretty poor track record at actually keeping friends. But it found him anyway, in more forms than he could have ever expected: the love of friends, allies, people he's come to think of as family, and this boy. Whether platonic or familial or romantic, in the past year, his life has become so full of love.

And it's with that thought in mind that he leans in to kiss Yosuke twice more, unable to resist. ]

It is.

[ ... one more kiss. And then, smiling, he breaks away and pulls open the door. ]

Come on. We've been standing out here--

[ A beat, and he tilts his head before a new smile tips up the corner of his mouth. ]

Actually... we should commemorate this moment, don't you think?

Edited 2018-01-16 06:02 (UTC)

[ Yu is so wonderful. He'd think that he'd be used to kissing by now, but he still manages to get that magical jolt every now and then when their lips connect. Yu, sweet, thoughtful Yu. He's more than ready to follow his boyfriend inside, but he pauses mid-step at that look. ]

Hm?

[ Yosuke blinks. ]

...Like with more kisses?

[ Is it sad that's an honest suggestion? ]

[ That wins a surprised but deeply charmed smile, the kind that makes his eyes crinkle. He kisses the tip of Yosuke's nose. ]

I was thinking of a selfie for our frame.

...Oh!

[ DUH! Of course, but, you know? It actually makes him a lot happier that Yu thought of it. That his gift, while cheesy, is something that Yu actually likes and wants to add too. That's why his grin is a strange mix of sheepish and pleased. ]

Yeah! Def--let me get my phone.

[ Which he fumbles around in his pocket for, bumping shoulders with Yu in the process. ]

[ Meanwhile, Yu will use that pause to slip his own phone out of his pocket. And, cheeky, warm all through with a new happiness, he'll lean in close to press a sly kiss to his boyfriend's cheek and capture the moment in a crooked, but thankfully still clear, selfie. ]

[ What he gets is Yosuke making a dumb and surprised face as he's caught halfway between looking at his phone and turning towards Yu. ]

Hey! I wasn't ready!

[ He always poses?? ]

[ Yu is laughing, and smiling, too. It's marvelously freeing. ]

Should I do it again once you're properly prepared, Mr. Model?

[ He's not pouting, he's just pouting. ]

Well yeah. [ Duh. ] You know, Akechi said I could be a model.

[ Huff. ]

But I'm pretty sure he's yanking my chain. That doesn't mean I'm gonna let you have some shitty ass pictures of me on your phone!

[ at once, dead serious with mock offended eyes ]

I'm keeping this picture forever. I'm framing it. [ A beat, and a headtilt. ] I'll get it printed on a throw pillow.

[ a none too subtle reference to Yosuke's daki of him. ]

While I think you'd be a great model, [ he murmurs with a small smile, ] I'm going to kiss you and let you prove it.

[ Which he does, this time giving Yosuke ample opportunity to prepare first. It's another kiss on the cheek, and he makes sure to glance at the camera with eyes full of mischief. ]

Edited 2018-01-18 05:15 (UTC)

Please don't ever talk about pillows again?

[ He still has the daki. That's the worst part. He can't get rid of it. It's got Yu's face. Help him. ]

You--!

[ Well, now he's blushing, but at least Yu gives him some time to pose. Notably it's hard to be on point when his boyfriend's lips are on his cheek, so what Yu gets his Yosuke slightly flushed giving the camera a smile as he gives Yu rabbit hears behind his head. ]

Sure.

[ He'll just make pillows Happen, instead.

God. When the picture is captured Yu stands straight and what he sees on his phone fills him with such ridiculous silly glee that he has to reach out to take Yosuke by the chin and kiss him deeply just to think straight again. ]

I'm freezing, [ he murmurs dopily when he pulls back, but what he really said was I love you. ] Inside? I think hot cups of cocoa are calling our names.

[ He's not sure if he's weak at the knees from the kiss or from the sound of Yu's voice and the look on his face. ]

Yeah...

[ Wait, what?

Oh, cocoa. Yes. He's down for that. Yosuke nods, his hand having fallen to rest on Yu's shoulder. ]

That sounds perfect...partner.

[ Feeling a little weak in the center of his chest, Yu huffs and lifts Yosuke's hand, turning it palm up so he can press a tiny, soft kiss to the ring on Yosuke's index finger. ]

Glad you think so, partner.

[ He'll lead the way inside, finally seeming to realize how cold it was outside when he's finally warm again. He'll rub his hands up and down his arms as he heads into the kitchen, setting about preparing the cocoa Ardyn himself is so fond of. ]

... I'm not ready to head home just yet, [ he says softly, more seriously as he bustles around. ] But ... soon.

[ Yu.

Don't mind him just turning into goop and shuffling along behind him. He starts walking in a little too far before he realizes he hasn't taken his shoes off, which he then does promptly along with his coat by the door, before trotting to catch up with Yu in the kitchen. ]

Yeah?

[ He smiles at that, placing a warm hand on Yu's back once the boy settles for a moment, and gently rubbing circles. ]

That's great to hear, man. Take your time.

[ Yu sets a pot of milk on the stove to heat. Cocoa is always best when it's made stove top. Then he'll move over to the counter and lean against it, his expression somewhat wry. As Yosuke rubs his back, he'll relax a little and take a moment to nose at the other boy's ear. ]

I've made Souji worry long enough.

[ ... after a moment, spreading his hands as if in anticipation of the response: ]

And, I feel ready. ... I was honestly dwelling a lot on how my conversation with Souji would go when I saw him, but it didn't go the way I expected at all. It went much better than I'd been picturing. [ On a soft sigh, with a single disbelieving chuckle. ] ... he's my brother. Whatever the truth of our memories is... I still remember growing up side by side with him. I don't know how I believed I could stay away.

Edited 2018-01-18 06:54 (UTC)

[ He listens, quietly and attentively as he does whenever Yu speaks about his feelings. It's important. And he's really glad to hear what he is. ]

...Hey, you've been going through a lot. Souji knows that.

[ A slight nod, and a crooked smile. ]

I know he'll understand. But like I said, I feel ready.

[ He'll turn his attention back to the milk after that, making sure it's at the right heat before adding the cocoa.

... softly, almost as if to himself except for the tiny, delighted smile on his face: ]

You love me.

[ Except Yosuke totally hears that because he is 100% tuned in on Yu right now. His cheeks redden and his hand stills on Yu's back. ]

...Duh?

[ Ah. Yu has to pause, resting his face in his hand and trying not to ... to what? burst into tears, or laughter? how does he describe this feeling? ]

As if it's so obvious... [ murmured. He turns his head to look at his boyfriend, trying and failing to hide how pleased he is. ]

... you know what you've gotten yourself into, don't you? You'll never get me to leave you alone. A year from now you'll be so sick of cats and curry you'll pay to get away from me.

[ all this with a tiny, heady grin. ]

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