[IC] Inbox @ recolle

[youraffection]

Yosuke Hanamura

Iiiiiiit's Yosuke! You know what to do. And if you don't, leave a message after the tone. Beep! ...Haha, okay, for real now.

陽介だぜ！わかんねぇだろうな？メッセージを残ってくれ！ピーッつってん後で。ピーッ！　。。。はは、じゃ、まじで。

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Gossip GroupChat

Comments

TEXT → 06/21 → 1/??? all texts are a minute or two apart, also this is at 7am

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Tip 001: If you ever forget your guitar or you're too lazy to grab it, a cat's tummy becomes a great drum. Drum all day long and you'll eventually be the next Ringo Starr.

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Tip 002: The fastest way to bond a connection with your cat is to put them on top of the fridge and open your arms. When they jump into your arms and you catch them, they will know that they can trust you forever.

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Tip 003: Create your own theme song whenever you want to see your cute cat. Here are some perfect (purrfect?) lyrics for that:

"I want to see my little boy." "Here he comes." "I want to see my little boy."

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Tip 004: You don't really need that keyboard. Just give it up for the cat.

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Tip 005: Make sure to give an offering to your cat overlord at least once a day. They tend to prefer jerky but they'll take most cat treats.

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Tip 006: Need that perfect gravity defying hair that'll make most anime protagonists proud? Just take a cat and rub it over your head a couple hundred times. The static will make your hair stand up as strong as a Super Satan.

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Tip 007: The sound of a cat purring will cure any illness. If you're sick then find a cat immediately and stroke that lovely beast all night long.

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Tip 008: Name all your cats after Neko Atsume characters. You have no excuse not naming them something cute like Cream-san.

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Tip 009: Take a picture of every single cat you see. Create an album that you can flip through when you're an old man and want to laugh about the good old days.

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Tip 010: The true path to happiness is through a cat. You must learn to accept this. This isn't even a tip. It's a fact and you have to accept it into your life.

done...

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nyaaaaaa~ ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

OH MY GOD

[youraffection]

STOPSOOJ STOPSOOJ STOPSJOOO STOJPSOO
STOPSOOJ
STOPSOOJ
SJTOOSJP
WTF

(*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑ also 1/6

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Congratulations! Our systems indicate that you have typed in SOOJ four times. Your account has been upgraded to our premium Souji Tips service for one tip every minute. An additional $14.99 has been added to your bill.

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Tip 011: To get into the mind of a cat, you must become a cat. Meow at everyone who passes you by and knock over their belongings from their table. 9/10 scientists confirm that this works.

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Tip 012: If your cat hates baths, lick your cat clean instead. It'll clean them right up and also be a fun bonding experience for the two of you!

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Tip 013: Collect as many cats as you can. You gotta catch 'em all!

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Tip 014: Devote an entire room in your home to become a cat playroom. They deserve one.

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Tip 015: Cats are the top priority. Always put them above your friends and family.

[youraffection]

Y R U DOIN THIS
SOUJI Y
I DONT EVEN HAVE A CAT

1/6 again... sorry but not sorry for your inbox

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Congratulations! Our systems indicate that you have typed in SOUJI Y as in SOUJI YES. We will continue the same billing service and send you the same tips. Thank you for your patronage!

(Also, I'm doing this because you're my friend and you are in desperate need for tips)

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Tip 016: Get a cat. Seriously. What are you waiting for?

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Tip 017: Take a picture of said cat and send it to Souji.

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Tip 018: Name the cat after Souji, your good friend.