youraffection | [IC] Inbox @ recolle

... as I said, I'd like to see you. But, you don't need to rush back.

[ his awkward way of saying i don't know, but it's not an emergency. ]

[ Yeah, that's not a good sign. ]

im on my way
fuck
i took the bus 2day i should have just taken my bike
it was cold so i was like oh yeah thisll b better
great planning right?
r u at ur uncles yet?

Yosuke, it's fine. I'm glad you stayed warm.

Don't rush. I'll see you soon.

yea abut at what cost?

[ Okay maybe he's being a little dramatic ]

ok yea
c u soon

[ The bus couldn't be any slower, could it? Yosuke is bouncing in his seat so much that he has to stand so he can at least pretend that the swaying is due to the bus taking a sharp corner. It's not a route he's taken much before January, only visiting Yu's uncle once before after they started dating. But the past few weeks have made it already feel routine.

Still, not quick enough. Yu didn't sound immediately upset, which is good, but he knows that talking to Souji is...a big deal. For both boys.

He's tempted to text Souji, but feels like he should talk to Yu first.

So as soon as the bus stops at his stop, Yosuke all but bolts with a quick "Thanks!" over his shoulder. The stop is across the street and around the corner from Ardyn's house, but Yosuke sprints the whole way.

Is Yu there? ]

[ He is. He's actually waiting outside.

Which is silly, because it's cold and he's not dressed warmly. Really, it looks a lot like he was inside the house, but just came outside to wait without thinking to grab a jacket.

Whenever he's waiting for someone he has a tendency to fuss with his phone in idle ways, texting friends or checking the network. Today, his hands are empty.

He doesn't seem upset when Yosuke runs up. If anything, he seems a little surprised, and then a little ... unsurprised. Of course Yosuke would still rush...

Without a word he simply opens his arms. ]

[ There he is.

He shouldn't be standing out in the cold like that, but Yosuke is hardly going to lecture him. Instead, he only slows as he approaches the house, then speeds right back up when Yu opens his arms.

Not a second of hesitation as he runs into those arms, wrapping his own around Yu's torso and holds him close. ]

[ There's a woof of a sigh once Yosuke connects with him, but nothing more. Yu simply wraps his boyfriend up in a tight hug and says nothing, pressing his face into his boyfriend's hair. It's a long moment before Yu does anything at all that isn't hanging onto his boyfriend and trying not to shiver in the cold.

Eventually, finally: ]

I need to ask something selfish of you, again.

[ He'll stand there as long as Yu wants. Honestly, the fact that Yu has confronted Souji--probably not of his own volition, but still--and come out of it to talk to Youske is a big deal. A huge deal, he thinks. That he's trusting Yosuke enough and willing to seek comfort or whatever else he needs in someone else when he's been feeling so isolated and down.

He's glad to be that person.

So when Yu says it's something selfish, Yosuke can't help but give a small chuckle and tighten his hold. Yu is one of the least selfish people he knows. ]

Whatever you want.

[ Yu holds his boyfriend a little tighter, tucking his face into the hood of Yosuke's jacket. And he's quiet for probably a few minutes, leaving them only with the crisp wintry silence cocooning them from the rest of the world.

When he does finally speak, the rough tone of his voice makes it clear that these words were hard fought to come by. He had to dredge them up from deep in his gut where they wanted to stay, hidden, unable to cause anyone any pain.

Cause Yosuke any pain.

He can't keep being afraid of a future they can't know. ]

Will you promise to stay with me?

[ A breath, and then the words pour out of him. ]

Souji, he ... he said he wouldn't leave. That he'd never leave again. He promised me. Even if we can't know what will happen, or if someday we might return to the lives in our memories...

[ the lives you'll have with him, not me ]

[ He waits, curious but patient. Yu has a lot of thoughts and feelings that he keeps locked away, but little by little he's been allowing them to surface up. Yosuke knows that, yeah, there are things people just don't share with others regardless of how "open" they may seem, but Yu takes it to the extreme. He's learned that it's worth waiting for.

So when Yu speaks, Yosuke is...

Surprised. And a little floored? He pulls back only slightly, so he can look the other boy in the eye if he'll be allowed.

It's a big deal.

Yosuke's side of it is a big deal--the idea that, regardless of how much that he may want to believe otherwise, that what they see in their visions will become the full reality. That Recolle won't exist, that they'll go somewhere else is something Yosuke refuses to really spend much time thinking on. He simply doesn't want to, though he knows he should. If it were even the case, he could have the opportunity to return that life. Potentially? Potentially. And deciding where he wants to spend the rest of his life is something he should consider carefully.

Which is what makes Yu's request such a big deal. For Yu, too. To even ask it, to allow himself the room to have wants and needs. To want people he cares about around him--the people he knows, in this life--the ones that should matter more than anything.

Why would Yosuke want to leave that behind? ]

...Isn't it obvious?

[ Yosuke leans in slightly, tilting his head up so their noses can touch. ]

Ever since we met, I--...you've helped me out a lot, you know? I'm not the same person I was this time last year. And a lot of that is because of you. You make me want to be a better person. You've...helped me see parts of myself that I never wanted to see and you showed me that it's okay. When I'm around you, I don't have to try so hard. I can just be...Yosuke.

[ He shakes his head slightly, which rubs their noses together. ]

We don't know what will happen, but I'd choose this life over any other, no matter how many cool super powers and stuff we may or may not get. I thought I wanted to be a hero, but for the first time in a long time, I'm starting to like the person I am sometimes. I'm starting to like the now, you know?

[ He pulls back a little, offering a small smile as he raises his brows. ]

I chose you...in this life already. So...yeah. Of course I promise. Just like Souji, I'm not going anywhere.

[ The whole time Yu watches Yosuke like he's a wonder. Like something not of this earth, too special and precious to be real. There's so much emotion writ large across his face, the kind of vulnerable he lets himself be only around Yosuke. His boyfriend, the person he loves, the person he chose to let in closer than anyone else. There's love and hope and so much fear.

Yu does not smile in return. He lifts his hands to press them over Yosuke's, eyes searching his boyfriend's as if for some answer. ]

... I ... want to live this life. I want to become a doctor and build a life here, with our families and the friends we've made. I want...

[ shy, quiet: ]

I want to build a life with you. That future is ... something I want the chance to build, more than anything. I...

[ his voice shivers. these are the confessions he's kept inside him for weeks, maybe months without realizing it. his deepest, darkest secrets. what he's most ashamed of. ]

I don't want that life. The life we have now is so important to me that I don't want to let go of it. Even though I know the right thing to do would be to go back and fix the mistakes that I made, if I somehow could. Even though I know that feeling this way will only hurt the people I love if ... if, someday, we're separated.

[ he hates himself for feeling this way. for being too weak, too selfish, to reject his own desires. ]

I ... I don't know what to do. It feels like no matter which life I choose, I'll be hurting people I care about.

[ He wants to know what Yu wants. Yu is so used to accommodating other people's wants that, for him, it does seem selfish to actually allow himself to want something, doesn't it? Yosuke's been trying to coax him out of that habit bit by bit. It's okay to want and to need things, especially other people. People need people. That's just how it is.

Yosuke needs Yu. Maybe Yu needs Yosuke too. That's why it works out in the end.

I want to build a life with you.

That...that sounds so heavy. Yosuke feels his heart thump in his chest as he swallows. It could imply--n-no, he's not going to think that word. He's not ready for that sort of thing. He's misinterpreted Yu before and it's easy given the sort of romantic, cheesy guy he is at the end of the day. He wants Yosuke around, is what he means...right? Well, Yosuke wants Yu around too. So maybe they are on the same page.

As he continues, things start to become a little clearer. What Yu has been struggling with has he began to notice the differences, that there could possibly be a choice in his future. Does he have that option? Do any of them? ]

Hey...

[ He brings his hands up--and Yu's, consequently--to hold the other boy's face. ]

I'm not gonna pretend I know what that must feel like...I'll admit that I don't wanna think about there being an option for any of us to go back. Here is more important to me too, you know? But calling one thing the right one or the other...I just don't think that's how it works. We don't even know if that's an option at this point, so tearing yourself up over it isn't gonna do you any good in the hear and now. We've got enough to worry about as it is. Y'know, like how they forgot to turn the lights back on.

[ A small laugh as he smooths his thumbs along Yu's cheekbones. ]

As weird as this place is, it's home. And so are all the people in it. Without you, it...it just wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be home.

[ There's a long pause as his expression falls just a tad, a little sad and a little thoughtful. Yu leaving...even if it was to make things right... ]

...Don't go.

[ Now it's his turn to be selfish. ]

I love you.

[ The saying "time stopped" ... it's dramatic, isn't it? To feel as if the world has actually frozen around you ... to someone as restrained as Yu, that sort of thing sounded like the kind of fantasy that only existed in books.

Despite that belief, time stops when Yosuke says those words to him. However long it is he spends staring, shocked, into his boyfriend's eyes... however long it takes for him to pull in another breath... it's not possible for time to have moved, because the moment after those words left Yosuke's lips felt infinite.

When time resumes, there's only one way he can respond. It's as he leans in to softly press their lips together, his eyes falling shut, that he realizes tears had gathered in his eyes, because of the way they finally fall. ]

I love you too.

[ soft words of boundless warmth when he pulls back to reveal a smile on his face. ]

[ Thoughts that had been bouncing around in his head for a while, feelings that he'd started to recognize but been unable to voice. For as hard as he fought to "date" before, the actual intimacy and intensity of a real relationship is something that Yosuke has had to ease into. And Yu has been patient--eternally patient and understanding with him every step of the way.

Yosuke has known that he loves Yu for around a month, now, but hasn't voiced it. He thought about it earlier, but didn't want it to come off as some sort of pity for the boy that was hurting so much and wanted something to hold onto.

But the thought of Yu leaving, of missing the opportunity to tell him, to be honest with himself--

He can't bear it.

The kiss is sweet and welcome. And when Yu pulls back, that smile warms every fiber of Yosuke's being. Maybe this is why Yu didn't need a jacket in the first place.

He laughs, giddy and awkward and surprised with himself. His heart is racing, is that weird? ]

That's a good look for you, partner.

[ Yu lifts his hands to cup Yosuke's face instead, his expression impossibly fond. He even shakes his head a little, disbelieving.

How could he be so lucky as to have such an indescribably wonderful person love him?

Slowly, but with conviction: ]

If ... there's a life where I made mistakes, then ... at least it led me to this one. Whether or not it's the "right" one ... it's the one we have together, and I'll do everything I can to live it well.

[ They must look silly standing in front of Yu's uncles house, both holding each other's faces and staring into each other's eyes like this is some cinematic romance. That's the kind Yosuke always thought he wanted--movie perfect. He's realized the real thing is a lot more complicated. There are no scripts for them to follow, no telling music track, just two people with all their flaws, riding the ups and downs as they figure out each other and the curveballs the world throws at them. But at the end of the day, it's having each other that makes it worth it.

That's better than a movie, he thinks. Movies always end when the couple finds each other, they never follow the aftermath. If he thinks back to the night they got together, he knows it's a pretty good time. But the depth of his feelings and the closeness he feels with Yu, now...he wouldn't trade these moments for anything.

Yosuke nods in agreement, wearing a smile of his own. ]

Yeah...that's how I like to look at it. I can see what I could have done, who I could have been, and try to learn from the good things and the bad things. This is the life we're living now. And sometimes it's kind of awesome, don't you think?

[ Not in either life did Yu really think love was in the cards for a person like him, a shy recluse with a pretty poor track record at actually keeping friends. But it found him anyway, in more forms than he could have ever expected: the love of friends, allies, people he's come to think of as family, and this boy. Whether platonic or familial or romantic, in the past year, his life has become so full of love.

And it's with that thought in mind that he leans in to kiss Yosuke twice more, unable to resist. ]

It is.

[ ... one more kiss. And then, smiling, he breaks away and pulls open the door. ]

Come on. We've been standing out here--

[ A beat, and he tilts his head before a new smile tips up the corner of his mouth. ]

Actually... we should commemorate this moment, don't you think?

Edited 2018-01-16 06:02 (UTC)

[ Yu is so wonderful. He'd think that he'd be used to kissing by now, but he still manages to get that magical jolt every now and then when their lips connect. Yu, sweet, thoughtful Yu. He's more than ready to follow his boyfriend inside, but he pauses mid-step at that look. ]

Hm?

[ Yosuke blinks. ]

...Like with more kisses?

[ Is it sad that's an honest suggestion? ]

[ That wins a surprised but deeply charmed smile, the kind that makes his eyes crinkle. He kisses the tip of Yosuke's nose. ]

I was thinking of a selfie for our frame.

...Oh!

[ DUH! Of course, but, you know? It actually makes him a lot happier that Yu thought of it. That his gift, while cheesy, is something that Yu actually likes and wants to add too. That's why his grin is a strange mix of sheepish and pleased. ]

Yeah! Def--let me get my phone.

[ Which he fumbles around in his pocket for, bumping shoulders with Yu in the process. ]

[ Meanwhile, Yu will use that pause to slip his own phone out of his pocket. And, cheeky, warm all through with a new happiness, he'll lean in close to press a sly kiss to his boyfriend's cheek and capture the moment in a crooked, but thankfully still clear, selfie. ]

[ What he gets is Yosuke making a dumb and surprised face as he's caught halfway between looking at his phone and turning towards Yu. ]

Hey! I wasn't ready!

[ He always poses?? ]

[ Yu is laughing, and smiling, too. It's marvelously freeing. ]

Should I do it again once you're properly prepared, Mr. Model?

[ He's not pouting, he's just pouting. ]

Well yeah. [ Duh. ] You know, Akechi said I could be a model.

[ Huff. ]

But I'm pretty sure he's yanking my chain. That doesn't mean I'm gonna let you have some shitty ass pictures of me on your phone!

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