youraffection | [IC] Inbox @ cerealia

[ This way it's a little easier to pretend he isn't constantly reliving the memories of Yosuke's hands tangled with his, of gold eyes and wicked smiles and i fucking wanted it. ]

10:42 AM
You know, even with all this technology down, I'm pretty sure airhorns still work.

[ He can't quite bring himself to smile. But the coil in his chest loosens very slightly. ]

10:43 AM
Had breakfast yet?

[ It's not really intentional that this conversation is becoming a beat-for-beat replication of the last time ... well, something like this happened. But... it feels like the most natural way to ease into this. ]

[ The symmetry definitely isn't lost on Yosuke, but he doesn't mind. He huffs as he looks at his phone. Is he even hungry? His stomach has been a little uneasy with all the self-imposed worrying the past few days.

But he knows that's not the point. ]

10:46 AM
not yet

[ Is he going to wait to see if Yu offers him...?

...Yeah, he kind of wants to see if Yu will. ]

10:49 AM
What's your opinion on pancakes?

[ In a more normal situation he'd be pretty intrigued with the idea of trying a Western-style breakfast. Right now it's just something a little different to try. Plus, this plan gets them out of the apartment and somewhere they can talk. ]

[ Pancakes? That almost makes him want to smile. ]

10:50 AM
depends on the pancake
generally good

[ People are doing crazy things in breakfast art these days. ]

10:51 AM
I know a place staffed by the natives instead of robots. They serve a Western-style breakfast I've been meaning to try... how about it?

[ ...

Pleas say yes... ]

[ Yosuke isn't usually the type to leave it drawn out like this--he jumps at the idea of getting to hang out with Yu. So why does he feel the need to...test his friend like this? Or is this more testing himself?

But he does ask. And Yosuke feels relieved. ]

10:56 AM
id be up 4 it
mind if i shower 1st?

[ Yu cycles through, and then immediately discards, a few different jokes. Part of him wants to, to try and lighten the atmosphere, but Yosuke's reluctance is making his gut sour. ]

11:01 AM
Yeah, sure thing.

[ He texts Yosuke a map pin. ]

>11:02 AM
I'll meet you there.

Edited 2016-08-19 02:17 (UTC)

[ With the drop pin, Yosuke pulls up the map. Won't be too far. He glances at the time. ]

11:04 AM
yea
c u in 30

11:05 AM
See you soon.

[ Yosuke doesn't need to know he's been there for a while, just kind of loitering nearby.

He'll wait outside for his friend, his CereVice away and his hands in his pockets. He's wearing a turtleneck but no jacket. Not what he might have chosen to wear, but washing machines are in short supply, too. He'll look pensive as Ypsuke finds him, though in truth he's just making a mental list of the appliances they need and where they can look for any that might still be working in the colony...

Of course, he'll notice Yosuke's approach as his friend gets closer and his heart does something swelling and painful that he ignores. He'll lift a hand. ]

Hey.

[ He's nervous.

They've been tiptoeing around each other for the past few days. Its given Yosuke time to think, but he's still conflicted. He's...confused. And a little afraid.

But he still gets out of bed, gets into the shower, cleans himself up. That's in part for Yu's sake, since he's mostly been rolling around since he woke up. But he's able to make his way to the indicated place on time.

He slows a bit as he sees Yu, his heart skipping a beat and stomach dropping at the same time. He's infinitely more nervous than the last few...breakthroughs they've had. So much has happened in such a short amount of time. So much.

Yosuke waves back, offering an awkward smile, but still a smile. His hair is mostly dry, except for the ends, though it's clear he probably just peaced out as soon as he felt decent. He did want to make it there. ]

Hey. [ He comes to a stop a few feet away. ] Hope I didn't keep you waiting.

[ This isn't even butterflies. Not exactly. It's both more and less than that, his fizzing nerves conjuring up a glow he can't ignore and a dread that pounds in him at the same frequency at his pulse.

I kind of set the precedent I'd flip a gasket over it.

Yosuke...

This has been bad enough that they've actually been avoiding each other. Yu can't say he hasn't needed the time itself, but given how quickly Yosuke tends to bounce back from things, especially problems between them... is this something they can fix?

... then again ... Yosuke's hair -- it's wet. He came here as soon as he could...

Unable to and not wanting to name how he feels, he tries on a smile himself. ]

Nope. You're right on time. Come on.

[ He'll lead the way inside, where a harried-looking host (it's tough being one of the few restaurants in the city still functioning) escorts them to a table. Yu will swing into his seat, the motion as casual as if nothing were amiss here at all - but the way his fingers hook onto everything, the edge of the table, his menu, the napkin rolled up around his utensils attests to his actual mental state. ]

[ He's got a feeling Yu would say that even if he'd been waiting for hours, but Yosuke decides not to comment on it. Instead, he follow Yu's lead into the restaurant, which is an easy thing to do. It is busy, but not full just yet. Maybe because it's a little later than usual for breakfast.

Oh yeah... ]

Sorry, this is kind of a late breakfast for you, huh?

[ He says as he slides into the seat across from Yu. His body language says enough and Yosuke definitely picks up on it, his own nervous energy coming out in how he immediately starts to bounce his leg once he's seated. ]

So...you been here before...?

[ He asks as he fiddles with his own menu, not really reading any of the print. ]

[ Yu only shakes his head, his smile kind but quietly nervous at the edges. ]

It's alright. I don't mind.

[ He wasn't hungry for most of the day. He hasn't felt hungry much in the days since everything quieted down.

...

God, they're both a mess right now, aren't they? Yosuke's nerves are starting to infect Yu. Normally that wouldn't get to him, but right now... ]

Actually, I haven't. I've passed it by a few times, but never come in.

[ He'd ... wanted to come with-- well.

Yu glances at the menu himself, barely seeing it. ]

It just seemed interesting.

[ Yu's not a complainer. If he minded he wouldn't say it.

Why is Yosuke thinking like that? It shouldn't matter. He trusts Yu to be honest with him and...the last time...they were maybe a little too honest. Too honest with things he hadn't even known or refused to think about. It's been...

...

He looks down at the menu with more intent, though his attention still strays. ]

...Well, the pictures look good.

[ Gah, that sounds lame. He glances up over the edge at Yu as he shifts in his seat. ]

...Thanks...by the way.

[ A beat. ]

For, uh...asking me and stuff.

[ Hopefully Yu will know that he does want to be here even if...he doesn't want to be there. But really, he does! With Yu. Like always. It's complicated. ]

[ Yosuke... Yosuke is a complainer. But not ... necessarily about things like this. He's a people pleaser as much as he is a complainer. Someone who will bitch endlessly, but flip on a dime to apologize and joke around and lighten the mood. It's the contradictions inherent to someone like him... who wants things to go his way, who gets bored easily, and who fears being alone -- but who also wants everything to work out for the best, for the people around him to be happy, to do everything he can to make situations right.

Yosuke probably doesn't want to be here as much as he does want to be here. Yu knows his friend well enough to know that.

A surprised laugh escapes Yu on a quiet huff of breath when Yosuke comments about the pictures. It's ... true. But it's also the kind of comment that really makes it obvious how painfully awkward this situation is. Yu is feeling the same way. He's just not prone to idle chatter like Yosuke is.

His expression is a little softer and a little more sincere when he nods. ]

Of course. I...

[ He pauses for a bit. Whatever he's thinking, it makes the tips of his ears flush red, and he shifts in his seat. The look on his face shifts into something determined. ]

You're my best friend, Yosuke. I'm always going to want to spend time with you.

[ Yosuke notices that as well. Even when he's not looking directly at Yu, he's always aware of him. Of the way things shift and move around him, of how he moves, whether he's silent or sighing quietly. Yosuke is practically tuned in to Yu's very energy. In battle it makes things easier, in day to day life it just makes them close. But now, he wonders if he's a little too invested.

It doesn't feel wrong though, even if noticing the subtle pink tint to the cuffs of his ears makes his own grown a little hot. Geez. ]

Y-Yeah... [ He swallows, straightening. ] Me too...

[ Which is why they're together now. With a whole lot hanging over their heads. But...re-establishing that does help a bit. ]

Do y--

[ And, of course, right on cue a server comes over to help them. ]

Are you boys ready to order?

[ Ah... now Yosuke's ears are pink too. More self-conscious than ever, Yu keeps his trap shut as Yosuke tries to find words, his expression a little wondering. He sits up a little straighter as Yosuke starts to ask something--

--and then actually startles when their server come over. For someone as unflappable as Yu Narukami, that's really telling. A bit pink in the face from embarrassment, he smiles at her and nods. He points to an item on the menu and requests it politely, trying to ignore the way he can now feel his heartbeat going just a little quicker than normal in his throat and fingertips.

Once the server's gotten both their orders and departed, Yu clears his throat. ]

You were saying something?

[ Order? Shit. Yu makes his decision and Yosuke kind of frantically looks back over the menu and ends up picking Belgian waffles, because he's heard of that before. Everything looks tasty, so he can't lose, right?

But once they're alone again, Yosuke looks a little nervous. ]

Uh, well...

[ He rubs the back of his neck. They have to talk about what happened, right? ]

...I'm...not actually sure where to start...

[ ... man ... that moment was lost, huh?

Yu nods, which is in part a motion to cover his own uncertainty. Quietly, truthfully: ]

... Me either.

[ It's a raw admission for him. It's so rare for Yu to ever admit uncertainty, even if he expresses it in other ways, small ways. If he shows it at all.

He takes a steadying, calming breath. ]

I want you to know, Yosuke... what I said before is still true. Nothing has to change between us.

[ His tone is so ... careful. ]

... I'm still ...

[ This hesitance is so unlike him.

But he's still ...

... Minato ... ]

[ Really, for all the words that Yosuke seems to be able to come up with to fill all the pockets of silence, they're escaping him. Where does he start? ]

Yeah...

[ Nothing has to change.

But something already has, hasn't it? Awareness in and of itself is a factor. They can't go back to before it all happened. ]

I know that we weren't exactly ourselves, but...

[ But they still were, kind of. Shadows are an exaggeration, but not entirely inaccurate. That's the scary part. Yosuke drops his gaze to the table as his hands form loose fists. ]

I mean...you know what I mean...

[ The breath Yu pulls in is stilted and somehow painful. Not even in a physical way. In his core. Somewhere deeper.

And then he shakes his head. ]

Yeah. I know. And that means ... we were ourselves. Just... the darkest parts.

[ God. And what does that say? That he could only admit that he might still have feelings for his best friend when he was composed of only his most twisted feelings. Everything he'd been trying so hard to suppress. ]

... we may not have been able to accept our own Shadows this time, but that just means we'll have to figure out a way to accept each other.

[ The darkest parts.

Yeah. That's it, isn't it?

But...being Yu's friend...and really caring about him aren't bad things, are they? Is thoughts had been twisted and construed into something, but the core was still there. Yu does matter to him. A lot. He's always watching, always keeping pace.

He can accept Yu, but can he actually accept himself this time? ]

...Yeah...I know I sounded like a psycho...

You didn't. [ Yu isn't smiling, but his voice is made a little lighter through conviction. ]

All Shadows sound like that. Mine did, too. And the things you were talking about... were your fears and concerns. Everyone has those. ... you saw for yourself that I do, too. [ Somewhat more softly. ]

You're still you, Yosuke. Nothing about what happened has changed the way I think about you.

[ He catches himself at the last second from saying "feel." "Feel about you" ... is a possibly dangerous thing to say, right now. Even though he'd mean it completely platonically... it just doesn't feel worthwhile to go there. ]

[ Oh boy. He sure did.

Yu hadn't had a Shadow, or at least not one that needed to be encountered. He'd come by his abilities so quickly and easily that Yosuke had initially been jealous. He knows that it's not a reflection of his inner psyche, though. Circumstances brought that forward--Yu has thoughts and feelings he doesn't want to voice anymore than the rest of them do. He's just extra good at hiding it.

But he's not sure how to take that. What he thinks about Yosuke...that's something that's been on his mind pretty much since he'd lived through Yu's memory. That knowledge of what might be, lurking in the recesses of his mind. That same possibility peaking through when Yu told Yosuke that they'd kissed. And now, with their Shadows-- ]

It was kind of weird only 'cause you never had a Shadow before, heh heh.

[ --does he...have to face it now? Is he even ready for that? Yosuke swallows. There's so much to wade through here. ]

He...I was right...so much shit has happened here but I've been okay in the end because of you, because of everyone, but--like...back home you're gone. Here you're not. I know that shouldn't make what's going on any easier...I know that's selfish of me. And it's not like--

[ Who gets this obsessed with their best friend? How sad were our lives that we clung to the first person who cared about us and haven't let go since?

He swallows again. ]

--...like it would've been the end of the world.

[ Yu's mouth opens, but no words come out. There's something about his face, something -- vulnerable, more open than usual. Maybe because, even on a subconscious level, he knows now there's no point in trying to hide. Maybe he's just not doing a good job controlling his face under this much duress. Whatever it is, he's much easier to read than usual.

He shakes his head again, more insistently this time. ]

If you're selfish, so am I. I ... I didn't want to leave.

[ He's never said that before. Not to anyone. ]

... Yosuke ... when the time comes for that, we'll find a way. For me, two months have gone by since I left Inaba... we talk all the time. [ A small smile, barely there, actually manages to curl up one corner of his mouth. ] It's made me feel a lot better about transitioning back to the city.

[ Yu pauses then, his smile fading as he looks down at the table. ]

You know ... for a long time, I always wondered why I was able to have my Persona without having faced my Shadow. It felt ... unfair. [ He cants his head slightly, not looking up. ] You all bared your souls, and accepted yourselves... you were amazing. But me ... I had my power just like that, without having to try. Why was I so different? It felt...

[ Lonely is the word he doesn't say, because it sounds ungrateful. But the sentiment is there in the corners of his eyes. In the end, he simply shakes his head. ]

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